I am constantly being reminded that I can’t be stubborn and think that God will work through that, because it doesn’t work that way. In fact God has had to do some pretty drastic things to get my attention, and remind me to trust him. Okay maybe it isn’t God doing the drastic things, but me putting myself in situations and God deciding to teach me a lesson through them. To be honest he always gives me chances to do things the easy way, but life is a lot more interesting when you do things the difficult way or at least that’s how I’ve come to think.
I went home this past weekend for Alabaster Sunday, which is by far my favorite Sunday at my church. It’s a thanksgiving event, in which all the cultures in the church collide, and I like to think that this is what God wants from us, a meeting of the nations, or something like that.
I realized that I had to go back to school, and when I checked outside, I was not pleased with what I saw. I hate driving in crappy weather! and what I saw was bad. It was hail/snow coming down and I guess we hadn’t noticed how bad it was until I had to leave. I should have known that I couldn’t handle it, but being the me that I am, I tried to drive and after having my car slide while going really slow, I started to panic and eventually turned back home. I figured that in the morning everything would be better and it was, but morning came with its own problems.
Fog is interesting, and when I was driving, it helped me make sense of my life. Of course that was after I had a panic attack, slowed down and called my dad freaking out. When I say I don’t like driving in crappy weather, I mean it.
I couldn’t help but think about the fact that a lesson could be learned from the fog, and that helped me to calm down a lot. I knew my destination, but I couldn’t see what was ahead of me and it scared me. I had to trust that I was on the right road and even though I couldn’t see how many miles it was to my destination, I trusted that it would be okay.
That was the lesson for me today, and it took stupid Fog for me to realize it. I know what God has for my life, in fact I’ve known it before I entered college, but I don’t trust that God is carrying me on the right road. I spend so much time trying to figure it out all by myself and then get anxious and panic. It’s hard to trust that you aren’t on the wrong road when you can’t see the future, and can only experience what is going on around you, and it sucks. I had to apologize to God for being dense, and wasting three years of my life being scared of the unknown, when he created the unknown and has control over it. My future was fashioned by him, and he wouldn’t let me crash and burn but I have to trust him about all of it, because panicking has not helped me at all.
What is it that makes you panic when you should be trusting God? What do you do to help you chill out?