My Thoughts

4 Years…

4…
It’s amazing to think that 4 years ago around this time, I was a freshman in college.
That 4 years ago, I was completely broken, and couldn’t imagine getting out.
That 4 years ago, I was without hope, feeling lost and not knowing what to do
That 4 years ago, I decided that my life wasn’t worth living, and taking it was the answer
That 4 years ago, in desperation, and as a last plea, I told God that I wanted him to handle it all
That 4 years ago, I got a second chance, to live, to love, to experience seasons change, to grow.

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That 4 years ago, if not for divine intervention, and timing ( I don’t believe in coincidence) my parents would have one less child, that my siblings wouldn’t have an annoying older sister, that I wouldn’t be where I am today.
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I think about the relationships that I have developed over that time, the friends I’ve made, the kids I’ve gotten to know in my youth group
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The silliness that I’ve experienced and the tears that I’ve cried

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The speed in which life changes, and how so many people don’t appreciate it, until they are faced with their own mortality.

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I’m grateful that I get this chance, to be a part of the lives of my youth group, my Nigerian community, and hopefully God will me and my story to help make sure that no one makes the decision that I was prepared to make that day.

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I weep for those who have lost loved ones to depression, and mental illness. It sucks, and leaves you with more questions than answers.

I weep for those who are in that place of darkness, and feel like they can’t get out. I’ve been there, and I am proof that regardless of what has happened to you, there is still hope for brighter days.
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This past weekend, I went to Rochester, with my youth group to be a leader at the same youth convention that played a huge part of my life, 4 years ago. I nearly broke down because I realized how much I have overcome in those 4 years, and how life can change so fast.
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A preacher said that “when we forget Jesus, people die, and when we remember Jesus, people live and he remembers us. I’m glad that my parents, and youth pastor, and friends remembered Jesus where I was concerned. That when they felt frustrated, and confused, and sad, they took my situation to God and continued to pray for me.

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Because I’m a christian, I will always believe that Jesus is the answer, to mental illness, to sickness, to pain and frustration. To all that life throws our way. Of course that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe that you seek help from doctors, and counselors, it just means that you put your hope in Christ in everything, and that as those trials continue to hit you, you abide in him. It’s not an easy road, but overcoming is possible.

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Even though the weekend was more focused on missions and what that looks like, I couldn’t help but think of the 4000 plus teens at the convention who were dealing with depression, anxiety, bad situations at home, hopelessness, and how for a lot of them, this weekend might be the turning point like it was for me 4 years ago.

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It’s great to be a part of people’s lives when everything is going great, but it is even more fulfilling to be a shoulder to cry on, an intercessor that offers prayers on their behalf when they can’t pray anymore, a friend, a sister, a supporter, a cheerleader, someone who just listens, the face of love.

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That’s what I want to be above anything else, a face of love. Because love saved me, because it offered me countless chances, I want to do that for others in anyway that I can.

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I have my dreams and goals for my future, but I know that the greatest calling that God has placed on me is to be someone who loves those that he has placed in my life.
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4 years…
of redemption
of healing
of forgiveness

of joy
of peace
of the most incredible love that I have ever felt, and will continue to feel.

Life will continue to send tests that feel impossible, but it’s possible to not only pass them, but thrive!

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